I’m telling you, I’ve been trying to find Mrs. Positive for the last four days and nowhere can I find her.

I’ve been trying my best to be this upbeat, happy and always eager human and nope – she’s not cooperating.

But then again, since when talking about real-honest-raw feelings, negative?

Just like this…

I am so ready to quit my job. Like, every part of my being dreads getting up in the morning to go to work. I don’t like everything about it. And I am tired to the bones – physically, mentally and emotionally. And yet, here I am.

How about when that unexplainable feeling between sadness and happiness hits you? You know what I mean? You’re not happy but you can’t say you’re sad either. You just don’t feel your usual self. Am I making sense?

Let’s be honest. How can you tell someone to get over whatever they’re feeling if you can’t do it yourself?

For the past few days, I have been seeing nothing but positive posts in my Instagram feed, just because I follow nobody else but positive people. Positivity encourages positivity, right? Does it work? Let’s just say, I feel like I’m in a community where everyone speaks the same language to a T (no cussing and negative thoughts allowed), follow the same dress code, drives the same brand and colors of vehicles and read the same teleprompter. But then, this hit me. They live and breathe what they preach. This is their life, how they get paid, this is what made their books sell, this is what their millions of followers are expecting of them. They are authors and speakers and endorsers all at the same time. And I wonder, where does reality sets in?

But, when you are doing something without money involved, or speaking engagements or product endorsements and millions of followers waiting on what you have to say for the day, you tend to be more realistic. One where, you woke up one day dreading to go to work. Or that moment when you’re sitting in a stop light and counting the days until next payday. A life that is magnified with reality, that we are but a flawed, doubting, emotionally wrecked beings. With faith like David at times and doubting Thomas most times. Grateful hearts when blessings are flowing and rebuking when everything else seems to be lacking and missing.

This is what reality is about. It’s beautiful and ugly. It’s comforting yet painful. For every truth, there are lies. There is as much good as there is bad. Life is more meaningful like that.

So, if you feel like a doubting Thomas today or in between being happy and sad….I’m with you.

And there’s nothing negative about it.

Let’s do real talk. Show real feelings. Grow in realness with God.

You know what else, God said, we can come to Him as we are. No need to be like someone else!

Until next time,