I am not a fan of expensive jewelries or anything that glitters. Maybe because….I don’t like attention. I ‘d rather blend in with the crowd, not stood out or be loud or demand attention. I like everything plain and simple. Such is my life…
Who wants all the glitters if it’s not real gold? We live in a world where we want to be seen and heard. The more famous we are or the grandest and loudest impressions we make, the better. Unfortunately, I am not good at this making an impression thing. I am not into big dreams. I am not competitive. I am not good at this proving myself and reaching for the stars and the moon thing. I am not aiming to make a name for myself. To be honest, I am not sure if this mind set is something I should be proud of, much less write about for everyone to read.
But then, I’ve got nothing to lose. And nothing to prove either. I do not aim to please but just to be real. Most times, I feel like – being truthful and raw and real and honest about our thoughts and feelings and life in general is not a big thing. Being deep with your thoughts is considered weird. Sometimes, I feel like….I am not being seen or heard or understood. You know like….an outsider? Like I belong in another world or perhaps should be living in another time….weird huh?
Sometimes I do wonder who would I be or where would I be now if I have a different mindset and feelings about this proving myself thing. You know, what would life be like if I was a little bit more competitive, or gutsy….if I was more the type of -I aim for the universe- kind of person instead of being satisfied with what is.
And for the life of me, I could not see myself being someone else. I could not picture myself being somewhere else. I wonder, is this how God sees me? Have I reached my full potential? Does God consider me a coward and a failure for not wanting to be somebody bigger and better? Is this really who God wants me to be? Maybe, I am just full of excuses….?
Such is my life. And I am contented. I am grateful. I am at peace. I may lack the glitters, but what I have are more than golds…….
What’s even better, God loves me just the same.