There are certain verses in Scripture that seem to attract more attention than others.

Ephesians 5 is one of them.

Mention marriage, and it is often only a matter of time before someone brings up the words:

“Wives, submit to your husbands.”

Yet the older I get, the more I find myself drawn not to what Paul says to wives, but to what he says next.

Because after speaking to wives, Paul turns his attention to husbands and says:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

I have often wondered if we truly understand the weight of those words.

Christ did not love the church by demanding His rights.

He loved the church by laying them down.

He did not lead through intimidation.

He led through sacrifice.

He did not use His power to serve Himself.

He used it to serve others.

And ultimately, He gave His life.

That is the standard.

Not culture’s standard.

Not the world’s standard.

Christ’s.

Which means the biblical question for husbands is not:

“Is my wife submitting?”

The biblical question is:

“Am I loving her the way Christ loves His church?”

And that is a much more uncomfortable question.

Because it forces us to look inward instead of outward.

It asks us to examine our own hearts before evaluating someone else’s obedience.

Am I patient?

Am I kind?

Am I trustworthy?

Am I willing to sacrifice my comfort for her well-being?

Do I love in a way that makes her feel safe, valued, and cherished?

Do I reflect Christ in the way I speak, lead, serve, and forgive?

These are not easy questions.

But then again, Christ-like love was never meant to be easy.

It was meant to be costly.

Perhaps that is why I find it difficult when discussions about marriage become centered on authority.

Because the model Christ gives us is centered on responsibility.

Before a husband is called to lead, he is called to love.

Before he is called to guide, he is called to serve.

Before he is called to be honored, he is called to sacrifice.

The cross came before the crown.

And maybe that is the part we sometimes overlook.

The husband’s role is not a privilege to be claimed.

It is a responsibility to be carried.

A sacred calling that asks a man to become more like Christ every single day.

The truth is, when a man honestly measures himself against the love of Christ, he has very little time left to focus on whether his wife is submitting properly.

He is too busy asking God to help him love better.

And perhaps this is something we do not talk about often enough.

When a husband genuinely strives to love his wife the way Christ loves the church, the conversation about submission begins to look very different.

Because Christ-like love creates what force never can.

When a woman feels cherished, valued, protected, and deeply loved, trust has room to grow.

Respect has room to grow.

Partnership has room to grow.

Not because they are demanded, but because they are nurtured.

The relationship becomes less about enforcing roles and more about living them.

After all, Christ does not draw His church to Himself through fear or control. He draws us through love.

Perhaps there is something profound in that for every husband.

And perhaps that is exactly where the conversation should begin.

Not with what our spouse owes us.

But with what God is asking of us.

Because Christ-like love has never been about power.

It has always been about sacrifice.

Until next time,