It’s been a quiet few days, (or was it weeks?) here at Charina.Writes.

Actually, I have about three drafts written in my “Charina Writes” folder in my notes application.

But quite frankly, it sounded desperate. You know, like I wrote it just for the sake of being intentional.

So I am here to admit, that the writer in me is lost and at a stand still.

But to be honest, I am liking the quietness and the stillness and not being intentional.

As of this writing, my personal Facebook account was deactivated and I’m purposely staying away from Instagram as well.

And it’s something that is very much needed.

Because really, I didn’t realize how much unnecessary noise I am subjecting myself into in being sucked into this how to be present in social media or knowing what everyone is up to and letting everyone know what I am up to agenda.

Like, do we all need to know?

I get it, for someone who declares herself to be a writer and someone who needs to show her presence to build followers and readers…

I need to be intentional.

But up to what extent?

I am a writer, simply because I love to write.

I published a book, simply because I wanted it to reach out to someone who might need it.

But the idea of being known, making money and building followers is not in my agenda.

I am happy and content on where I am at and I will be happy still if I remain in the same spot five years from now….

Or until death.

Or whichever comes first.

As for the idea of reigniting lost connections on social media…

I don’t think this is for me.

I tried, ten long years to be exact.

But somehow,

I find it to be a noisy place, where everyone is fighting for attention.

It’s like a movie screen full of opinionated people.

It’s like a show playing right before my very eyes.

Full of people who can tell me a lot about how to live, how to tackle pains, how to overcome disappointments, how to parent, how to be a friend, what perfect husbands and wives should look like and how to live life to the fullest.

It’s this place where everyone has to be in – to build a World Wide Web blueprint.

Everything that we put in there…

From the places we travelled to, the number of connections we have, how religious we are, our political beliefs, places we ate at, how many people we prayed for and all the statuses and photos that we share are just a few manifestations that we exist…we belong.

These are our blueprints.

No blueprint means you’re non existent or don’t belong.

I should’ve known all along…a long time ago.

I am clueless as to what kind of blueprint I have out there right now.

Or which blueprint people will remember me for?

Or what blueprint of mine they are most fascinated with?

Or if there is ever one blueprint worth remembering or mentioning about?

But,

I think I am done making blueprints just to show my existence…

Much less just to prove myself.

I think…

From now on –

I’ll embrace the idea..

Of being still just because it’s needed.

Of being quiet so I can hear more of myself.

Of being invincible so I can see more of myself.

Of absenteeism, just because it felt right.

Of not being loud just so I can be heard.

Of not being present just so I can be seen.

Of not being intentional just so I can be remembered.

As my blueprint fades….

I live.

What about you, what’s your blueprint?

Until next time,