Finding My Circle

The past few days have been quiet for me, literally. I have been racking my brains and tugging at my heart hoping I’ll come up with something to write about.

But then, my writing is not all about made up stories or forcing myself to come up with some “feel good moments” or “I don’t feel like it” but I’m being intentional.

Most of my writings happen, if I’m going to be honest about it, during those times when I can’t put words into how I feel. It can also be a time when I feel brain dead.

So, I take it slow and unplug and stay away from everything that is about writing and being a writer.

The thing is, I love to write. But the circle that I have to be in to be considered a good writer…

Constant posting. Following people. Build up a strong following. Connect, connect, connect. Consider doing a podcast. Show your presence, every single day….?

This is not my idea of a circle that I want to be in.

I want my circle to be small and quiet. Not loud and fighting for attention. I’m not into quantity but rather into quality. I don’t want it to try too hard but rather I want it to flow naturally. I want a circle where it’s okay to be quiet for days and weeks, get lost and start back up again. A circle where I don’t feel like I’m always putting out my good Godly side. Because, honestly, there are many a times, when I don’t feel like it, don’t think like it and don’t act like it. You know those days when, even though you love God deeply and trust Him with your life, you just feel lost for words and feel empty. And I believe that it is important to acknowledge these lost moments and feeling of emptiness within ourselves. That it is okay to feel blah. That it is okay not knowing how to describe it. That it is okay to be lost for words. That it is okay to be silent and not let the world know about it.

And you know what, it is during these silent times and admittance of my own weaknesses and trying to find my way back in into that circle…

I realized that I don’t really need to try hard to be in a circle. I can be my own circle. It may be small. It may not be loud. It may not be perfect. It may be flawed.

But it’s still a circle.

Somewhere I fit in.

Until next time,

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Kate says:

    Beautifully said Charina.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Kate! ❤️

      Like

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