There’s a kind of ache that doesn’t show on the outside. It creeps in quietly, usually when you’re going about your day doing what needs to be done—folding laundry, preparing meals, answering texts, holding things together. It’s a slow ache that whispers a question you didn’t expect to ask, one that makes your heart pause:

“Am I loved… or just useful?”

It’s a question that stings because it reveals a deeper longing. We all want to be needed to some extent, but more than that, we want to be seen. We want to know that our presence matters beyond what we can offer, fix, or do. We want to be loved for who we are, not just for the roles we fill.

You begin to notice the signs. When you’re sick or tired, no one steps in to lift the load. When you’re quiet, no one asks why. When you’re hurting, people might notice what you forgot to do before they notice you. And then the creeping thought takes shape—maybe I’m only appreciated when I’m functioning. Maybe love, in this space, is conditional.

Being “needed” is not the same as being “cherished.”

There is a dangerous trap in equating love with utility. Because if your value is tied only to what you give, then what happens when you stop giving? When you’re depleted, when you can’t show up the way you used to—does the love disappear too?

If you’ve ever found yourself in that space, questioning your worth beyond your usefulness, let me tell you this: You are not alone. And more importantly: You are worthy of love simply because you exist.

Real love does not keep a tally. It does not reduce a person to their output. Real love leans in, even when you have nothing to offer. It sees your soul, not just your service. It holds space for your weariness and still calls you beloved.

If you’ve been living in a dynamic—be it in a marriage, a friendship, or even a family—where your usefulness is celebrated more than your personhood, know this: it’s not wrong to long for more. It’s not selfish to want to be held, rather than always doing the holding. Your heart was not made to be an engine of output. It was made to love and be loved.

You deserve more than being “needed.” You deserve to be known.

A question for your heart:

Have I been settling for being useful because I’m afraid no one would choose me if I stopped performing?

A gentle reminder:

You don’t have to earn real love. The kind that comes from God never asks for performance. He sees you—not what you do—and He calls you His own.

You are not just useful.

You are loved.

Until next time,