“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.”

Markus Zusak

I feel like it’s been forever since I tried writing my thoughts down.

For the past several years, I’ve been very open about my feelings. I have no qualms in showing my vulnerability to others. I always thought that, that’s where I get my strength, by showing my vulnerable side.

But somehow along this journey, life showed me that showing your vulnerability and being open and truthful about my feelings and my thoughts have its disadvantages as well. It actually took me years and many trial and errors, knowing and meeting people to finally realize it.

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

And during this time, when the realization and acceptance finally sets in, I refused to admit it. I refused to believe that there are people who would use that vulnerability and truthfulness against me. No let me rephrase that, use that as a weapon against my very own belief that they are good people. After all, that’s why I was not afraid to show my vulnerable side and truthfulness.

But I was wrong.

And I was hurt. And I felt betrayed.

And I refused to acknowledge my feelings. So I quit writing and talking about it.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

George Bernard Shaw

Do I blame myself or them?

I don’t know, maybe I have very high expectations of people. Maybe I was wrong to believe that whatever good we give, we get as much good back.

“A learning experience is one of those things that says, ‘You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.”

Douglas Adams

For now, I think I’m going to set aside this vulnerability and truthfulness aside.

For now I think I’m going to take a few steps back.

…….

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

Gilda Radner

Until next time,