How Much Is Enough?

Nine days ago marked my 10th year working as a housekeeper. Eleven years actually – if we count my first year working as a temporary. If you would’ve asked me 11 years ago if I knew that I would last this long here, my answer would probably be a no.

When I started working as a housekeeper, it was out of a need. Need to stay afloat, pay bills, have food on the table and keep our home. It was not easy.

I am not a very proud person. Humility comes easy to me. I don’t believe in being way up to the top just to prove who I am and what I am capable of. My level in society does not define the level of my strength and capabilities.

In those ten years, I’ve wrote the opinion editor many times and have been published many times, I’ve been a voice to many fellow immigrants and initiated a few much needed changes in the workplace. I’ve also had a few share of butting heads with a few authorities, mainly for speaking up. The outcomes are not always in my favor, but what do you expect…I am a woman and an Asian. No, I’m not bringing up sex and race to make a point, this is a point – it happens and it’s true.

For the past ten years, I’ve tried very hard to get out by applying to as many jobs I could apply for. And you guessed it, nobody wants to hire someone who’s current job is a housekeeper. They think I can’t read or write, know very little english, and am probably computer, internet and programming software illiterate. For the past ten years, I’ve also wondered if they even read past the housekeeper part to see that I know more than being a cleaning lady.

Honestly, I don’t really know where I would be in the next ten years. I don’t know if I could stay much longer. I want out. But I can’t afford to be out.

Most days, I go to work knowing that God knows my heart. He knows my longings. He knows I’m tired. He knows I want to give up. He knows it’s not easy for me anymore.

Most days, I go to work believing that God is still in control. That perhaps He is still working on me. Perhaps, He is preparing me for something bigger and better. And that time will come, in His chosen time – not mine.

And there are days too, that I asked…

What if this is where I belong?

What if this is all I’ve had to do…?

And wonder,

If I’ve done enough…

And how much is enough?

Until next time,

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